Constantly looking for a reflection in the mirror. Repeatedly pinching myself for any sort of feeling. Silence begins to turn into an addiction. Running the other way when someone approaches. These seem to be symptoms of wondering if rumors of your demise are indeed warranted. I know the phases of existence from reading history, and I feel as if I'm entering the beginning of the latter period. Hair is greying. Drive is decreasing. Limbs are starting to falter. To God be the glory. Role reversal is at hand. I am becoming the parent to my Mother and Father. My mind, which has historically never been one of my strongest suits, is coming up with some brand new tricks to play upon me. My life up to now which has seemed rather at odds with itself, is now feeling extremely paradoxical. The realization that it is all just an act is an immense comfort and relief to me. The realization that I have the power to disappear any time I please, even more so. Then why not let it all hang out?
