I know what you're thinking and I fear it as well. You might think this post is about our current cultural climate. Yes, but only to a degree. It's interesting that I mention the word 'degree' because I'm about to drop a cold hard truth.....about me. I don't think I exist without fear. I am neuroticism personified. I worry, I fret, I freak out; you name it-I own up to it. I actually fear the concept of fear. Fear is the ultimate paralyzer. Once it works it way inside you can only hope for temporary relief because it never completely leaves you. Three decades of therapy and medication keep it somewhat at bay but it is always leering over your shoulder. Perhaps that why I dislike horror movies. I'm my own ultimate fright fest. I'm not completely this way 100% percent of the time. I live. I laugh. I love. Or maybe my best simulation of these. I can't be sure. Fear has kept me from achieving all I wanted to achieve in this life. Fear has kept me from growing as a human being. Fear of rejection is the ultimate poisoned apple. Because of this I live on the outside looking in and between the margins of society. It's safer but lonelier. I think one can be lonely and unsafe but can one be safe and not lonely? Society seems to say yes but I'm not completely convinced. Who will convince me? I may not find out in this life. Isn't that a little scary?
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