Wednesday, January 29, 2020

THE MOURNING SHOW

 
I apologize.  This probably isn't going to be one of my more lighthearted entries.  It's just that the avalanche of human losses I've witnessed in the past few years has really given my heart and mind a bit of a jolt and right now I'm not sure if that's good or bad.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?  I'm I actually supposed to believe this gobbledygook?
     I'm close to 50 years old so this type of thing surely isn't uncommon.  I lost my last living grandparent almost a year ago.  In a strange way, it made me feel like my childhood officially ended even though that happened decades ago.  Grandparents are supposed to be the ones with the wisdom your parents don't have yet.  They're the ones who you sneak off with to get a banana split right after Mom and Dad say you've overdone it on the sweets.  They've got the knowledge you can't get in college.  Life sure does feel about four instruction manuals short now.
     I also lost a younger cousin a few years back.  I know how he died but I don't exactly know why.  It seems there's a lost chapter to the book of him that I didn't get to read.  He left behind a daughter and Grandson; and all before the age of 40.
     I lost an Uncle almost three years ago and now another one a month ago.  In my opinion, they both died much before their time.  They both were very intelligent in unique ways.  I got to work with one and play around with the other.  Both were highly informative.
     Many times when a loved one passes on, it can stimulate something inside of you that lets you know that life's rich pageant doesn't last forever and to not put off until tomorrow something that you can do today.  Strangely enough, however, I'm feeling a push forward and a pull back simultaneously and it's all becoming a bit disorienting.  I've never been one to do anything by the book.  I burned that book long ago in a fit of stupidity but maybe there's something unexpectedly healthy about that.  Any maybe there's something to that annoying green dot that just magically appeared on this page.  Time will tell.  Only, now there's just a little less of that.









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