MISCELLANEOUS FILE

      I feel strongly that the "Sell Before" date is a more accurate economic indicator than the "Sell By" date because it gives consumers a much greater false sense of security.

     Dwight Eisenhower wrote a book called "Waging Peace" and Neil Young wrote a book called "Waging Heavy Peace."  However, Dwight's version of 'The Needle And The Damage Done', written about Attorney General Herbert Brownell Jr.'s tragic mayonnaise overdose, is much more haunting.

     I feel that the internet could be much better organized if someone came up with an algorithm for it.

     If someone is looking disheveled, what do they look like when they're sheveled?

     If someone is acting disgruntled, what do they act like when they're gruntled?

     Is it 'aesthetically pleasing' or 'pleasingly aesthetic'?

     I know what it's like to have survived a character assassination attempt.

NO ONE SAID LIFE IS FAIR (ALTHOUGH SOME OF US TRIED TO HELP A LITTLE!)

   

I know this is difficult to believe but, at one time, there were rules and regulations on how the general public received their news and information.  Before the government was perceived as the enemy of the people, different factions of it attempted to set policies and procedures to make to the transmission of news and information by radio, TV and to a much lesser extent print media honest and factual.
     The Federal Communications Commission which, just by the title of the group, was probably started by some left-wing pinko deep state illuminati ski rental store disguised as a pizza parlor (you know because the name of the group has two 'Com's in it-you know, for Communism, of course), set up the first part of what came to be known as the Fairness Doctrine in 1941 which stated that radio stations, due to their public interest obligations, must remain neutral in matters of news and politics and were not allowed to give editorial support to any particular political position or candidate.  In 1949, the policy was somewhat modified to give time to a opposing viewpoint after each and every original view on a popular or controversial subject, mainly because of the rise of television after the end of World War II in 1945.
     One major overlooked part of this picture was that television, much more than radio, was always going to be a power struggle between information and entertainment.  The leaders of the few TV network there were at the time basically said "hey boys, we'll be nice and set aside a few hours each week for public affairs and news programs.  They'll be boring as hell and won't make us money but we don't any trouble from the government, see?"  I imagine Edward G. Robinson saying those words for some reason.  Anyway, most of these network Presidents were politically conservative but realized that in order to serve the greater good (and to make tons of money for their shareholders), the knew they had to play ball to keep the government off their backs.  And thus, their network news divisions were loss leaders so that they could get wealthy by getting General Electric and Kraft Cheese to sponsor their live plays of the week.  However, over time, these networks found out that they would have to keep making more money every year to satisfy the whims of their needy shareholders and so eventually they started making these news and public programs more and more sensationalistic and bombastic.  Honesty and facts become more and more an afterthought.
     Simultaneously, new technologies were coming the forefront that could also deliver information and, meanwhile in Washington D.C., the FCC were being seduced into reversing many of the earlier rules that encouraged not only fairness in showing both sides of a story, but also fairness in competition. 
     In the 1980s, it was argued that these policies and procedures regarding having a opposing view for every view regarding a controversial or vital public issue violated the 1st Amendment and so the FCC, during the Reagan administration, decided to do away with with the fairness doctrine.  It was very easy to do since almost everyone on the commission was appointed by the current President.  It also paved the way for our current state of cable news networks being horny cheerleaders for one political party or the other.  The broadcast networks also made more cutbacks to their news departments leading to cutbacks in journalistic integrity.  However, the true end of the doctrine ended in 2011 when the all parties involved could agree on exactly the correct language used in the law that sent the doctrine into the crapper.  Then the real party started.  Cue the cashflow.
     The 1996 FCC Telecommunications Act further eroded any resemblance of fairness deregulating most of the regulations that encouraged healthy competition by opposing journalistic and entertainment business monopolies since and, in essence, journalism and entertainment have done a pretty damn amazing job in merging with themselves.  It also made it easier for anyone to spout their opinions and then proclaim them the God's honest truth. And that's where we are today. You see; once you let the proverbial cat out of the bag, that darn cat just won't find the inside of the bag very attractive anymore.  But, hey, at least we tried, right?

ALTERNATIVE PROGRAMMING

   

     Isn't it fascinating that even though there is so much killing going on in the world today that somehow we would find a way increase the horror and tragedy of death-again most likely in the name of dollars and cents that don't even belong to us?
     Just think about the new uses for old items.  Remember that refrigerated semi truck that used to send unhealthy food to your local fast food dump?  Now we are using those vehicles to store body bags of people who passed away without saying goodbye to their families or even knowing where the hell they were when they shook off this mortal coil.
     Remember that old smelly handkerchief that we found while cleaning our parents or grandparents house?  Now we are using them to cover our pieholes and snouts when we go into our retail stores and perhaps even those houses of ill repute.
     Remember that artisan ale you and your trendy friends would go out to drink during weekends when you should have been at home with your wife and kids?  Now that alcohol is used to manufacture giant batches of hand sanitizer that turns your hands into pasty white paddles.....but in a good way.
     And for all of you misanthropes and others who actually believe that 'hell is other people'?  Well, I suppose you're in heaven now.  But there are still others who don't 'know' that any of this is even taking place.  They believe that everything I just described above is completely fabricated.  Maybe some of them are the same people that don't believe in the Holocaust but can't resist telling their friends and neighbors what actually is happening around them according to the tabloids.
     Is the power to believe stronger than the power of disbelief?  When does 'I can't believe what is happening' become 'I steadfastly refuse to believe what is happening'?  Please don't tell me when you know.

MY REVIEW: WHAT THE BLANK! PILOT (2004)

   

Fred Willard was one funniest people ever to walk the earth.  He was simply on a different level than anyone else.  But he surprised everyone whenever he would speak because when he walked out on stage he didn't look like anything remotely resembling an actor or comedian.  He looked like your Dad's insurance agent.
     He was the secret weapon of any TV show he was on or any movie he was in.  He was always comedy gold as a part of any ensemble.  But he would never make it as a leading man.  And that was a good thing.  How he ever got involved in the game show hosting business is beyond any human comprehension.  Yet, sometime in 2004, he hosted a pilot for a bizarrely retooled pilot of Match Game called "What The Blank!"
     The actual game took a back seat to everything else in this version.  Willard came out, introduced the starts and the player and asked the first question of the game  However, when he got to comedian Laura Kightlinger and asked how her relationship with fellow comedian Jack Black was going, Laura very quietly said she was no longer seeing him.  The Fred floodgates opened right there.  He spent a few minutes mourning the fact they were not together anymore and then kept pontificating on what might have went wrong.  I admit that I was laughing so hard I never wanted him to stop.  I don't know if he knew about this fact beforehand and frankly didn't care.  Neither did his former Fernwood 2 Night buddy Martin Mull.  He was loving every minute it.  I think he finished getting all of the stars answers by about the 8 minute mark.  Oh, then there was also the 'inside voice' that would just appear every so often where the hosts and stars would all 'ask questions' about the questions or the stars.  It works for a cartoon character like Homer Simpson but not for ANYONE on a game show.  Horrible idea.  Wait a second; it gets much worse.  A little later, a rapper comes out and performs a horrible rap.  Then Fred and him actually rap the next question.  Now I'm wondering if they wanted this show to be intentionally infuriating.
     Everything after that was just inane.  For one thing, the questions were boring and most importantly not funny.  They did manage to pick a winner and go to the bonus round which followed the classic format but by then, I was just wishing for a quick painless death to this terrible pilot.
As Willard's character in the film "A Mighty Mind" might ask, "Wha Happened?"
     My grade: D+

SO I WAS BINGE WATCHING "THIRTYSOMETHING" AND THEN THIS HAPPENED.....

   

As you may have gathered from an earlier post of mine, I am admittedly not much of fan of the art of 'binge-watching' TV programs where you take a show and watch the entire series in a short period of time.  Try doing that "Gunsmoke" or "ER."  I'm pretty sure the term is meant to applied to 'so-called series' from streaming services that at the most, seem to crank out 10 episodes a season and then usually get cancelled or end after three or four seasons.  Most of these actors doing these kinds of programs are movie stars the wouldn't be caught dead on a TV series ten or fifteen years ago. That's probably because they didn't want to be tied down to a network season commitment of 22 episodes which means they would have to squeeze in one or maybe two movie during their hiatus period.  But six or ten episodes?  No problem!  And I notice these major stars don't seem to be too bummed out when their show ends either.  You don't hear these people saying things like 'I'll never forget this experience' or 'We became just like a family.'  That's because these little ditties are something they just cram in between movies now.
     There was a recent New York Times article about trying binge-watch older yet classic and revered shows from the pre-streaming days during the COVID lockdown.  The program I decided to dive headlong into was "Thirtysomething", a critical and raitngs success about a group of friends from high school in the late 1960s now having to deal with real life in the 'looking out for number one' late 1980s.  Could they really make a living without having to sell out their Woodstock era progressive beliefs?  Could they actually they still all be friends?  Could they make good parents?  That's about it.
      I have watched the first 8 episodes of the first season the last two days and what I've noticed is how downplayed the political ideology is compared to almost every newer drama or comedy that has recently come along lately.  Hell,  "Family Guy" is ten times more political than this show has been (so far).  I personally think the producers took a much more personal 'touchy feely' approach to make it seem less of a TV copy of movies like "The Return Of The Secaucus Seven" or "The Big Chill,"
     Okay, now for my big "WTF" moment.  It happens in the beginning of the 7th episode called "Nice Work If You Can Get It" the characters of Michael and Elliott get a big break for their struggling ad agency by getting hired by the city to come up with a new campaign for local municipal art museum.  In the first few minutes of the episode I noticed the character of Melissa is in the kitchen cooking a meal and over a nice ladies shirt, she is wearing a Big Sky State Games sweatshirt.  Suddenly, I was 14 and it was really 1987 again.  I'm from a city in Montana that started this athletic event in 1986.  It's still a huge deal in this area even though it is still unknown if they will occur or not this Summer.  However, the show takes place in Philadelphia and was mostly shot in Southern California.  So what's the deal?  If anyone knows, please leave a reply.
     By the way, there are 86 episodes (there could have been more if it were not for a writer's strike in 1988) so I think I should be done by about Christmas?  Will we all still be in Zoom meetings then?
   

THIS EVENING GOWN CAN NOW BE WORN AT 10AM (A.K.A. WORKING FROM HOME)

   

Working from home used to be such a tantalizing proposition.  Now it's mandatory for most of us.  With COVID currently in full bloom in place of spring flowers, it's another part of  'the new normal' that still seems very abnormal after one month.  I believe your success with this process largely depends on how many people and animals are quarantined with you and how large your workspace is in relationship to the rest of your living quarters.
     Speaking for myself (and to myself, as it so happens),  I'm a middle aged single man living in a one bedroom apartment.  And my bedroom has reluctantly become my workspace away from work.  If I had a den or a rumpus room, I suppose either of those would become my home cubicle.  I like to dream about having a den like Ward Cleaver's..  A man could really spread out and get some manly work done in there and maybe even develop an appealing pipe tobacco addiction.  At least until Wally or the Beav came home with some annoying problem that you'd have to solve by actually having to leave your mid 20th Century man cave.
     As you can probably tell, even I can sometimes get distracted from my assigned duties while living my bachelor pad lifestyle.  Around my makeshift workstation with two monitors and a operating system case (although I dearly wish it were rather two turntables and a microphone), there are hundreds of books and CDs piled up around me in a not so fastidious fashion.  As I gaze to my left, there is a Gorman Thomas bobblehead doll I purchased some time ago that is becoming more lifelike as the days pass and to my right is a bedroom window where I can look out at nature's beguiling folly with amazement or melancholy whenever I please.
     After telling you all of this, I bet you still have no clue what I do for a living.  That's just fine. Neither do I.

WHEN A JOKE MAY SADLY BECOME REALITY.....

 

I love the comedy of Jack Benny.  He had a style all his own.  He was probably one of the first successful self deprecating comics in show business.  He was known for his slow takes, his age to remain 39, and his frugality (when in real life he was one of the charitable entertainers around) .  Probably his most famous comic routines concerns his frugality.  Historians say that there was laughter from the audience for at least five minutes after the punchline was uttered by Mr. Benny.
      However, the incompetence and vanity that has caused the worrisome environment we currently find ourselves in is finding people making very tough decisions about the future of society.  This is neither funny nor fair and I believe much of it could have be avoided.  However, we currently stand at a precipice that I never thought possible.  Do we have the faith, courage and responsibility to make the right choice?
      Anyway, here is the recorded routine:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tVzdUczMT0

      May good health and laughter be with you.

MY REVIEW: JAY MYSELF (2019)

I watched a documentary called "Jay Myself" about famous New York photographer Jay Maisel. He lived in the old Germania Bank Building from 1966 to 2014. He bought the building for around $150,000 and sold it for $55 million dollars. Not surprisingly, he is also an astute businessman and has sold has photographs to major businesses. He is not pretentious. He is not ironic. He has a child like sense of discovery even at the age of 88. He smokes cigars. He collects random things like old VHS cardboard boxes that have different colors and textures to them. When one of his students from 1979 came back to film him moving out of his bank building, he said "I'm glad to see that at our advanced ages, we haven't matured one bit."
Everything and everyone has value. The creation of something or someone is just as important as the decay. A person in a new suit is as fascinating as paint peeling off of an old steel sign. He has a very loving wife and a young daughter that calls him 'a father and a kooky uncle combined.'  She is currently a student at the Fordham University School of Law.
Jay and his wife moved to a different home in New York City; an old carriage house that has been converted into a home and work space. The song "Kodachrome" by Paul Simon plays at the end of the film. "You take pictures and you are taken by pictures." -Jay Maisel
I highly enjoyed the movie as it shows that artists can be normal people and not just artsy fartsy tortured souls. Hell, even Andy Warhol guested starred on an episode of "The Love Boat" not because of some ironic art project, but because he truly enjoyed the show.  My rating: A+

.....BUT HE GIVES YOU MORE!

    

The seems to be a very concerted effort by the broadcast networks to differentiate their late night hosts from each other.  Some of it feels organic and some of it feels so manufactured it's quite maddening.

     Stephen Colbert jumped on the 'clobber Trump' train early and rode that thing all the way to number one in the ratings.  Personally, I enjoyed his show the most during the first two years (you know, before Trump was elected).  Inside stories say Colbert was doing almost everything but cleaning up afterwards.  He was his own announcer.  He appeared in goofy sketches with his guests (remember the Big Furry Hat?)  He taped a segment where he went back to his old elementary school where one of his teachers was still working there.  He had a very moving discussion with Joe Biden about losing family members too young (both have gone through a great deal of loss).  To me, this was enough to differentiate himself from the Stephen Colbert of Comedy Central fame but CBS disagreed and made him fire many producers and writers who followed him over from the old show because they wanted it to be more 'BIG TIME!'.  It is now.  And I find myself often bored with the nightly Trump whippings (I'm not a fan but there is such a thing as overkill!).  What will happen if anyone else becomes president?  Jon Stewart is an Executive Producer and made several appearances early on but has also stepped back because of other causes and projects.

     Jimmy Fallon used to be the cool young rich kid on the block with the fun games and gadgets.  As an interviewer, I find him channeling Chris Farley often because he always starts a sentence with "Remember that time you were doing that show and (something)...…that was funny!"  He's high energy which the youngsters love.  He'll be around for a long time whether I like it or not.

     Jimmy Kimmel is the other Jimmy. He started out all over the place and most of his comedy partners were members of his own family.  Some are still there but he has phased them out (Where's Aunt Chippie?).  He's matured (look at the beard!) and has become the best interviewer of the three.

He is very emotional and his talks about his infant son's health issues were genuine whether people agreed with his politics or not.  He has also recently gotten rid of most of his opening titles and is already on stage when the camera points at the studio audience.  See, he's trying to cram as much content in his show as possible.  I miss his version of "The Generation Gap" quiz show which was a update of a short lived 1960s game show.  I understand Kimmel's production company is trying to turn it into a regular daily game show.  I would love it but shows like that are difficult to get on the air these days unless you have a big name host.  

     Let's face it; these are not even talk shows anymore.  They're comedy shows with some stars and musical guests thrown in.  Stand up comedians rarely appear anymore because they are so many other outlets for that content.  Podcasts are the new old-style talk shows.  The more things change...…..


UPDATE:3/6/2020-Jimmy Kimmel is getting shot at hosting a big time game show.  He will be leading an all-star version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" this April on ABC.  Like the other celebrity versions, the winnings will go to various charities.

THE MOURNING SHOW

 

I apologize.  This probably isn't going to be one of my more lighthearted entries.  It's just that the avalanche of human losses I've witnessed in the past few years has really given my heart and mind a bit of a jolt and right now I'm not sure if that's good or bad.  What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?  I'm I actually supposed to believe this gobbledygook?
     I'm close to 50 years old so this type of thing surely isn't uncommon.  I lost my last living grandparent almost a year ago.  In a strange way, it made me feel like my childhood officially ended even though that happened decades ago.  Grandparents are supposed to be the ones with the wisdom your parents don't have yet.  They're the ones who you sneak off with to get a banana split right after Mom and Dad say you've overdone it on the sweets.  They've got the knowledge you can't get in college.  Life sure does feel about four instruction manuals short now.
     I also lost a younger cousin a few years back.  I know how he died but I don't exactly know why.  It seems there's a lost chapter to the book of him that I didn't get to read.  He left behind a daughter and Grandson; and all before the age of 40.
     I lost an Uncle almost three years ago and now another one a month ago.  In my opinion, they both died much before their time.  They both were very intelligent in unique ways.  I got to work with one and play around with the other.  Both were highly informative.
     Many times when a loved one passes on, it can stimulate something inside of you that lets you know that life's rich pageant doesn't last forever and to not put off until tomorrow something that you can do today.  Strangely enough, however, I'm feeling a push forward and a pull back simultaneously and it's all becoming a bit disorienting.  I've never been one to do anything by the book.  I burned that book long ago in a fit of stupidity but maybe there's something unexpectedly healthy about that.  Any maybe there's something to that annoying green dot that just magically appeared on this page.  Time will tell.  Only, now there's just a little less of that.