MY PBS PROGRAMMING ODYSSEY

    

This is a minor inconvenience but I must protest anyway.  On August 21, 2018 PBS will be premiering a new Pioneers Of Television special entitled "Betty White: First Lady Of Comedy."  I'm certainly not disputing the title as she has been a part of television since 1949 and was first nominated for an Emmy as early as 1951 and most recently as 2011.  Betty White = Perfect.
     However, when I checked my local Montana PBS schedule, it was nowhere to be found.  I thought there must be some kind of mistake.   I kept looking all over the interwebs for something besides glowing reviews of the programs but finally gave up and called Montana PBS in Missoula.
     I spoke to a very nice gentleman who informed me that most PBS stations have five pledge drives per year.  This special happens to be exclusively for pledge drives this month.  Montana PBS only has two pledge drives per year and the next one is in November.  He explained that the special will most likely air at that time.  Furthermore, at some point the special will become 'non-exclusive' which means Montana PBS will be able to air it whenever they see fit to do so.  However, National PBS will decide when this occurs.  
     Confused?  You won't be after this week's episode of Soap.  Wait. Wrong show and subject.  Sorry about that.  I'm still sure you (and I) may be confused about how PBS operates and I suspect that the confusion is entirely intentional.  The P in PBS stands for public.  This means that viewers like you donate money to keep the programs on the air.  Thank you.  Of course, our government subsidizes a large portion of the national budget to assist as well.  And one must not forget the extremely wealthy donors like the Koch brothers.  Since they donate an ass-ton amount of money, they also have a hand in helping PBS decide what you watch and what you don't watch.  When Ken Burns made his recent Vietnam documentary, he had to let the brothers privately screen it first.  Since wealthy donors come from different political points of view, the programs usually balance out any type of bias.  Usually.
     I could go further into this type of process of what PBS airs and the fact that local affiliates have some say in programming for their own local market demographic but I will not as I suspect you're snoring right now.  WAKE UP!!!  The Betty White special should air on Montana PBS sometime in November.  For now, I will patiently as we all did before instant gratification was invented.  Until then I shall dream about how to 'be more.'

MY TWO SHITS WORTH: EPISODE NINE

    

Six.  That's how many late night 'talk' shows are currently on the air right now.  I don't count the 'satirical news' shows or weekly shows because they are not celebrity focused.  Please don't let this fact be misconstrued as praise.  It's not.
     I find myself switching channels during these shows and hearing the same joke multiple times.  Lazy writing?  Partly to blame.  Perhaps what it is more at fault is the network's insistence on getting the 'easy' laugh, not the most original or witty one.  Ratings are 'the name of the game, boy' to paraphrase a line from a Pink Floyd song that a few have probably heard.  I will focus on two of the most popular late night hosts and their differing approaches to their shows.
     The most depressing example of the genre is "The Late Show With Stephen Colbert."  It debuted in the Fall of 2015 to mediocre ratings as Colbert pretty much did everything but play the music and sweep up after the show.  It was a cozy and modest affair and it got off to a promising start with a riveting interview with Joe Biden a few weeks into the program's run.  With both host and guest talking about learning from personal loss it was about as far from a knee slapper as you could get.  Colbert managed to weave comedy and real conversation together pretty seamlessly although his interviewing style left me a bit cold ("Nice to see you, 'ma'am or sir'.....we'll be right back.")  Unfortunately, this aspect has not improved.
     I was a huge fan of "The Colbert Report" and was so excited to see what he could bring to this time period.  Little did I know that about a year in to his run, CBS made him replace several top staff members of his show (some of them had been with him for over a decade; making the jump with him from Comedy Central to CBS) with Reliable Network Professionals.  The lunatics would not be taking over the asylum after all.
    Then came the Presidential Election of 2016.  It was pretty clear that Clinton would win.....until she didn't.  His Showtime Election Special was one of the most bizarre events I have ever witnessed.   When Trump was declared President, Colbert stood there dazed and confused.  Then he started drinking and babbling rather incoherently about what this would mean for our country.   The balloons meant for Hillary may still be stuck up in the Ed Sullivan Theater rafters for all I know.  One thing I do know for sure is since then, the Trump joke machine was turned on and up to full speed and hasn't relented.  Problem is, Mr. Trump usually comes up with his own dandy material on a little site called Twitter.
     By now, making President Trump jokes are the proverbial 'low hanging fruit.'  But Stephen's ratings are as strong as ever so the joke machine will keep running for now which is too bad. Colbert should have other things to discuss but now whenever a guest comes out, the first thing out of his mouth is something like: "So..... Trump....what do you think?"  Plus, his online presence (where James Corden and Jimmy Fallon keep picking up viewers) is minimal at best.
     Conan O'Brien (who will be shortening his program to 30 minutes in 2019) is still making obscure and silly non-Presidential jokes which makes his program much easier to digest.  He's been at it since 1993 (the longest tenure in late night) so I guess he has a leg up on the competition.  The show has regular segments like Clueless Gamer and visits from oddball characters in his audience.  Mr. O'Brien has made several specials where he travels to different countries to make friends with many of the locals in his own goofy and self deprecating style.  He also has his own website called teamcoco.com that includes some online exclusive content which is so important to fans today.   It's like political antacid.  And, oh, what a relief it is.

'IT'S A BRAND NEW LCD TV!!!'

     Only recently have I been reintroduced to daytime television after several years of frightening yet oddly comfortable employment.  I know that this landscape has changed quite a bit since their glory days during my childhood.  Game shows are mostly gone and the ones that still exist have eliminated contests of any discernible skills or knowledge and have de-evolved into chuckle fests hosted by former chuckle getters.  Soap operas were never really my scene but, except for a few oldies but goodies, they have evaporated into the ether faster than sands in the hourglass.
     What is left?  Not much, I guess.  Talk shows that were once hosted by Oprah and Phil have been replaced by chair throwing and trash talking hosted by people named Maury and Jerry.  The dry wit of Judge Wapner has been replaced by sassy gavel pounding finger wavers that are now mostly female (women of the world, is this really progress?)
     There are also several food and Doctor shows on the air too but sometimes it's difficult to tell who is who when they both tell you that defecating is a normal part of life and that a little kale in your diet wouldn't hurt.
     All of these shows should really be lumped into the 'reality' category because, as usual, they have no basis in actual real life along with their night time counterparts who engage in choreographed arguments, celebrity-lacking celebrity programs, talent-less talent shows and any type of program designed to trick you into thinking that ethics and morals never existed and the simple lie that if you use any profanity it will be bleeped out by some supernatural censor in the sky.
     When did 'we' become a people that can only feel good about ourselves by feeling that we are at least better than that guy or gal on the screen?
     Yes, most of these programs are on the major networks.   There are some surprisingly good shows on some cable channels but even the documentaries are starting to be over-run by insipid 'dramatic re-creations' of how something came to exist.  For example, it apparently was a ego contest that caused Lee Iacocca to try to out 'man' John DeLorean and his Pontiac GTO by creating the Ford Mustang in the 'swinging 60s.'  The fact that these two men created these cars all by themselves is just as preposterous as the notion that 'swinging' also had something to do with it.  Leave it to the History Channel to prove they can cater to the Lowest Common Denominator just as well as the big networks.
     If this is just all some subliminal salad designed to keep the general public stupid, fat and lazy than I believe you network programmers are vastly out-performing yourselves.  Well played.

UPDATE (7/22/18):  I have updated the title of this piece to reflect what I think the 'LCD' feature really means when manufacturers explain the type of television they are selling.

BRIEF THOUGHT

     Will the National Council of Churches and Bose ever band together to come up with a pair of decent sounding guilt-cancelling headphones?

REEL AMERICA

     Sometimes I depressurize on the weekends (for now, anyway) by tuning in to some irregularly scheduled programming on the various C-Span Channel and watch programs under the Reel America title.
     They can be very interesting and informative, especially the ones produced by the major network news divisions of the day.  The ones documenting the major upheaval and chaos of 1960s are of special interest to me as they break down the various opposing factions of different issues such as war, civil rights and student protests.  Of special note is the way these real citizens on both sides of a particular issue make their voices heard.....quietly yet distinctive and passionate.  No ghoulish sound bites or name calling.  Just hard thought opinions from real people going through some rather sensitive times in our country's history.
     Can it be that difficult to return to such civil discourse?  Only time and the way in which we choose to use the ever-changing technology will tell.  Just something to ponder with a few choice words written many years ago.  I do not own the rights to this film clip of David Strathairn beautifully embodying the pioneering journalist Edward R. Murrow.

R.I.P. TO THE LAST MAN ON EARTH

     Oh farts; I knew that this day was coming.  In fact, this article could have been written in tears two or three times.  "The Last Man Earth" was one of the most fascinating and innovative sitcoms ever on a broadcast network.  I'll be the first to admit that not all stories they tried worked but when they failed, they failed BIG TIME.  Will Forte was one of the most annoying but likable characters on TV.  As Phil Tandy Miller, Forte dialed down the gross-out humor and added a touch of the going-nowhere son from the 2013 quirky comedy-drama film "Nebraska."  To say that Tandy was socially awkward is quite the understatement.  All of the female cast members were certainly not made from the network comedy cookie-cutter department either .  Kristen Schaal as Phil's clingy and anal-retentive wife.  Mary Steenburgen as the recent widow who loves drinking wine while shooting zingers at the rest of the crew (okay, mostly just Tandy).  January Jones as the tough no-bullshit blonde bombshell who we find out later is suffering from mental illness.
     From the first couple episodes where Tandy goes from mansion to mansion trashing everything in sight except from the bare necessities (I almost to mention that this show took place in the near future where a virus had seemingly wiped out the world's population) and using their swimming pools as his personal makeshift toilet bowls to the later episodes where other survivors are revealed (and sometimes blown to bits), including Tandy's brother who is up in a space station when the virus breaks out.
     The show had 80s soap-opera like cliffhangers and dabbled in sci-fi but never dove in too deep; making sure laughter was the main ingredient.  The odd and fickle relationships between the members of 'the group' was the accelerator.  Their journey together as a forced family was what really made this wacky little world go around.  Alas, we'll probably never see the final destination.  I enjoyed the relative real-life pacing of the episodes along with the lack of  headache-inducing jump cuts, Red Bull enhanced rapid-fire dialogue and the welcome absence of tired documentary style camera work.  Thanks to FOX for letting this long strange trip go on for as long as it did.  Sunday nights will never be the same.

THE TRICYCLE DIARIES: VOLUME ONE

    

Yes, it's yet another beginning of what I hope will be a reoccurring feature on this blog focusing on my childhood.  And, no, I will neither confirm nor deny that these stories took place in the 1970s or 1980s.
     I was 5 years old in 1977 (oops) and lived in an old fashioned neighborhood in a small town that is still a part of a large state.  Geez, I hope I'm not hoping getting overtly candid here.  I get all red faced when other people do that.
     Anyway, we lived one block away from an Elementary School and a large public park and two blocks away from a Junior High School.  It was a great time to be alive with the forerunner of the current hipster, Jimmy Carter, as my President.  There were peanut shells all over our dear nation as an unabashed display of our excess.  Our family had a nice house with Cable TV that received almost 20 channels.  We were basically out of control and knew it but just didn't care.
     However, I had one 'hard and fast' rule that my parents made me promise to follow.  I could walk around the entire block on which we lived but could not cross the street in any direction.  I was landlocked and was not allowed to 'sail out to sea.'  The was a place located on a block between the Junior High School and Elementary School that I just had to visit.  All of the popular toddlers wanted to be seen there.  It was originally a neighborhood grocery store but by the time I was hip to the scene it was a combination candy store and game room.
     One day I was just sitting around learning how to add and subtract when my Mother asked if I'd like to go to this sugar coated mecca.  I just about spit out my Fruit Loops but ended up not doing that because I really liked Fruit Loops.  It was then my Mom lowered the boom on me and said I would be going with one of the neighbor's sons.  His name was Kevin and as much I hate to rhyme he was eleven.  This meant he might as well be Walter Brennan to my John Wayne.
     But this was not going to be a John Ford picture.  No sir; this was gonna be a groovy far out good time and I was definitely in!  Kevin came over a little later and we walked over the store.  I pretended that we were Sweathogs and that Mr. Woodman was after us.
     We Kevin opened to door to the place and I walked in, my mouth could not be open wider.  The store was everything I had imagined and as much I as I hate to rhyme it was so much more.   There was a jukebox! And a pinball machine!  Hell, this was the 1970s so there may have been more than one pinball machine!  There was also a table where some older kids who were hangin' and stuff.  The joint was hoppin' and then Kevin bought some candy for each of us.  My head was spinning at this point.  We hung out eating our candy and soaking in the atmosphere for about 20 minutes and then we headed back to our block.  This was just too much excitement for one fast living 5 year old and when I finally got home that afternoon, I feel asleep and woke up mid-Carson.  I think Buddy Hackett was the guest.  My Dad was always mad for The Hackett.