MY TWO SHITS WORTH: EPISODE NINE

    

Six.  That's how many late night 'talk' shows are currently on the air right now.  I don't count the 'satirical news' shows or weekly shows because they are not celebrity focused.  Please don't let this fact be misconstrued as praise.  It's not.
     I find myself switching channels during these shows and hearing the same joke multiple times.  Lazy writing?  Partly to blame.  Perhaps what it is more at fault is the network's insistence on getting the 'easy' laugh, not the most original or witty one.  Ratings are 'the name of the game, boy' to paraphrase a line from a Pink Floyd song that a few have probably heard.  I will focus on two of the most popular late night hosts and their differing approaches to their shows.
     The most depressing example of the genre is "The Late Show With Stephen Colbert."  It debuted in the Fall of 2015 to mediocre ratings as Colbert pretty much did everything but play the music and sweep up after the show.  It was a cozy and modest affair and it got off to a promising start with a riveting interview with Joe Biden a few weeks into the program's run.  With both host and guest talking about learning from personal loss it was about as far from a knee slapper as you could get.  Colbert managed to weave comedy and real conversation together pretty seamlessly although his interviewing style left me a bit cold ("Nice to see you, 'ma'am or sir'.....we'll be right back.")  Unfortunately, this aspect has not improved.
     I was a huge fan of "The Colbert Report" and was so excited to see what he could bring to this time period.  Little did I know that about a year in to his run, CBS made him replace several top staff members of his show (some of them had been with him for over a decade; making the jump with him from Comedy Central to CBS) with Reliable Network Professionals.  The lunatics would not be taking over the asylum after all.
    Then came the Presidential Election of 2016.  It was pretty clear that Clinton would win.....until she didn't.  His Showtime Election Special was one of the most bizarre events I have ever witnessed.   When Trump was declared President, Colbert stood there dazed and confused.  Then he started drinking and babbling rather incoherently about what this would mean for our country.   The balloons meant for Hillary may still be stuck up in the Ed Sullivan Theater rafters for all I know.  One thing I do know for sure is since then, the Trump joke machine was turned on and up to full speed and hasn't relented.  Problem is, Mr. Trump usually comes up with his own dandy material on a little site called Twitter.
     By now, making President Trump jokes are the proverbial 'low hanging fruit.'  But Stephen's ratings are as strong as ever so the joke machine will keep running for now which is too bad. Colbert should have other things to discuss but now whenever a guest comes out, the first thing out of his mouth is something like: "So..... Trump....what do you think?"  Plus, his online presence (where James Corden and Jimmy Fallon keep picking up viewers) is minimal at best.
     Conan O'Brien (who will be shortening his program to 30 minutes in 2019) is still making obscure and silly non-Presidential jokes which makes his program much easier to digest.  He's been at it since 1993 (the longest tenure in late night) so I guess he has a leg up on the competition.  The show has regular segments like Clueless Gamer and visits from oddball characters in his audience.  Mr. O'Brien has made several specials where he travels to different countries to make friends with many of the locals in his own goofy and self deprecating style.  He also has his own website called teamcoco.com that includes some online exclusive content which is so important to fans today.   It's like political antacid.  And, oh, what a relief it is.

'IT'S A BRAND NEW LCD TV!!!'

     Only recently have I been reintroduced to daytime television after several years of frightening yet oddly comfortable employment.  I know that this landscape has changed quite a bit since their glory days during my childhood.  Game shows are mostly gone and the ones that still exist have eliminated contests of any discernible skills or knowledge and have de-evolved into chuckle fests hosted by former chuckle getters.  Soap operas were never really my scene but, except for a few oldies but goodies, they have evaporated into the ether faster than sands in the hourglass.
     What is left?  Not much, I guess.  Talk shows that were once hosted by Oprah and Phil have been replaced by chair throwing and trash talking hosted by people named Maury and Jerry.  The dry wit of Judge Wapner has been replaced by sassy gavel pounding finger wavers that are now mostly female (women of the world, is this really progress?)
     There are also several food and Doctor shows on the air too but sometimes it's difficult to tell who is who when they both tell you that defecating is a normal part of life and that a little kale in your diet wouldn't hurt.
     All of these shows should really be lumped into the 'reality' category because, as usual, they have no basis in actual real life along with their night time counterparts who engage in choreographed arguments, celebrity-lacking celebrity programs, talent-less talent shows and any type of program designed to trick you into thinking that ethics and morals never existed and the simple lie that if you use any profanity it will be bleeped out by some supernatural censor in the sky.
     When did 'we' become a people that can only feel good about ourselves by feeling that we are at least better than that guy or gal on the screen?
     Yes, most of these programs are on the major networks.   There are some surprisingly good shows on some cable channels but even the documentaries are starting to be over-run by insipid 'dramatic re-creations' of how something came to exist.  For example, it apparently was a ego contest that caused Lee Iacocca to try to out 'man' John DeLorean and his Pontiac GTO by creating the Ford Mustang in the 'swinging 60s.'  The fact that these two men created these cars all by themselves is just as preposterous as the notion that 'swinging' also had something to do with it.  Leave it to the History Channel to prove they can cater to the Lowest Common Denominator just as well as the big networks.
     If this is just all some subliminal salad designed to keep the general public stupid, fat and lazy than I believe you network programmers are vastly out-performing yourselves.  Well played.

UPDATE (7/22/18):  I have updated the title of this piece to reflect what I think the 'LCD' feature really means when manufacturers explain the type of television they are selling.